I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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