where am i from again
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
