I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
