This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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