Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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