Plan B is the new Plan A
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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