hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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