I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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