I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
