So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
