What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
