I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
