Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
