i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
