apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who died my cat blue again?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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