And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This house was built for laser tag.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
