love makes seman taste better
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
