There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
