He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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