i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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