That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
