May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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