THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
