just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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