Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
