I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
