i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
