We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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