Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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