i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh god it's open bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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