Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
