I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
