i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
