I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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