the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
did you just send me my own nude
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize