I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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