I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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