I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
