the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get