Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.