We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.