I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
