Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
