worst night to have a conscience
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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