She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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