I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
honey bunches of taint.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
