During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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