i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
NoShamevember. You game?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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