My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
