I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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