He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
