I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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