she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
