dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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