Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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