Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
