And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
