i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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