Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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