nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
