R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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