No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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