Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
