My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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