nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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