in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
