i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
