I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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