Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
