Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
