My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I AM VODKA MAN
40s are totally the cure
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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